Afknouery

 

Ouers herken asseblief hierdie opsomming rakende afknouery, dit is ‘n werklike probleem in skole.

 

Wat is afknouery?

Afknouery vind meestal oor die ouderdomsgroepe plaas: van 8-24 jaar. Dit kan baie vroeër begin, maar baie min navorsing is hieroor gedoen.

  • Afknouery kan op enige ouderdom begin. Van ‘n kleuter in die vorm van byt, knyp en krap van ouers, broers en susters, vriende of onderwysers. ‘n Kleuter kan hul vriende op die speelgrond boelie en ook byt of krap en gemiddelde gedrag toon, wat boeliegedrag word indien dit nie aangespreek word nie.
  • Geen kind begin om geen rede boelie nie. Hulle word dikwels blootgestel aan: een ouer wat die ander ouer of die kind afknou; ouer broers en susters wat ‘n jonger broer en suster afknou; blootgestel aan ‘n baie woede of geweld óf by die huis of in die media of op sosiale media; kyk spotprente waar afknouery gesien word as pret en waar dit aangemoedig word; of wanneer kinders ander kinders sien wat boelie en krag/status in die klas kry.
  • Seuns is geneig om meer direk te boelie en meisies meer indirek.
  • Direkte afknouery is dikwels fisies van aard (naamroeping, stoot, slaan, spoeg op iemand, byt, neem ‘n ander leerder se eiendom, dwing iemand om iets vernederend, seksuele oorture, verkragting te doen).
  • Indirekte afknouery is meer subtiel en is selde fisies van aard (uitsluiting van sekere groepaktiwiteite, die verspreiding van gerugte, skinder, deel verleentheidsinligting, sarkastiese opmerkings, bespotting, by die lag van ‘n leerder).
  • Afknouery is ‘n direkte of indirekte daad van een persoon of ‘n groep persone (die boelie) teen ‘n ander persoon (die teiken), met die doel om te bespot, te teister, te verneder of te boelie.
  • Hierdie gedrag is konsekwent oor ‘n tydperk.
  • Die teiken glo hulle het nie die mag om hulself te verdedig nie.
  • Die boelie toon dikwels geen teken om jammer te voel of te verstaan dat hulle eintlik iemand anders seermaak nie.
  • Die boelie voel sterker en kragtiger wanneer hulle boelie en dit moedig hulle aan om meer boeliegedrag te toon. As ‘n volwassene dit nie aanspreek nie en ander kinders stil bly, sien hulle dit as ‘n teken om voort te gaan.
  • Om vas te stel of afknouery gebeur, moet ‘n mens fokus op die impak op die teiken en nie noodwendig die gedrag van die boelie nie. Dit impliseer dat sommige gedrag nie as “afknouery” gedrag geag mag word nie, maar tog het dit ‘n boelie-effek op die ontvanger.
  • Afknouery vind plaas wanneer een persoon al die gee doen en die ander persoon doen al die neem. Iemand kry seer.
  • Maak nie saak wat die boeliegedrag is nie, dit is altyd ‘n uitroep om hulp, ‘n behoefte om gesien en erken te word en ‘n boodskap dat hulle nie ok is nie.

Die volgende gedrag word dikwels verkeerd vir afknouery. Let asseblief daarop: hierdie gedrag is nie reg nie en ons moet dit altyd aanspreek. Hulle is dikwels die begin van moontlike afknouery en moet so gou as moontlik uitgekyk, aangespreek en verander word.

Terg

  • Een persoon of groep is die teiken, maar die bedoeling is nie kwaadwillig nie.
  • Wanneer een persoon ‘n ander terg, word dit dikwels met lag gedoen.

Om gemeen te wees

  • Dit is wanneer een persoon doelbewus iets sê of doen om ‘n ander persoon se gevoelens seer te maak.
  • Die gemiddelde persoon voel op daardie stadium kwaad en wil vir die ander persoon wys dat hulle beter of belangriker as hulle is.

Om rof te wees

  • Wanneer ‘n persoon onbeskof is, sê hulle of doen iets wat die ander persoon se gevoelens seermaak, maar hulle is nie noodwendig van plan om dit te doen nie.
  • Hierdie gedrag is dikwels spontaan soos om voor ‘n ander persoon te stoot om voor die lyn by die snoepie te kom, of iemand anders op ‘n gril te trippel.
  • Dit wys ook dikwels net dat die persoon swak maniere het en dat hulle dikwels tuis of in die klas daarmee wegkom.

Verbale afknouery (sê of skryf gemeen en nare dinge)

  • Terg
  • Naam roeping ens.

Sosiale (seer iemand se reputasie of verhoudings)

  • Vertel ander om nie vriende met iemand te wees nie
  • Verspreiding van gerugte
  • Verleentheid van iemand in die openbaar

Fisiese (beseer iemand se liggaam of vernietig hul besittings)

  • Slaan, skop, knyp
  • Tripping, stoot
  • Neem of breek iemand se dinge ens.

Kuber (verbale of sosiale afknouery gedoen deur tegnologie)

  • Die gebruik van sosiale media / mobiele toestelle of e-posse om iemand se selfbeeld, reputasie, geloofwaardigheid of vriendskappe te beskadig
  • Kuberafknouery word die algemeenste vorm van afknouery en het ‘n ernstige impak omdat die boelie dikwels anoniem kan bly ens.

Onthou: alle vorme van afknouery het ‘n emosionele aspek daarvan. Alle afknouery breek die selfbeeld van die teiken af en veroorsaak dat die teiken voel:

  • Alleen
  • Hulpeloos
  • Depressief
  • Bang
  • Hartseer
  • Onseker
  • Hopeloos
  • Nutteloos
  • Gewalg in hulself

Afknouery is ‘n ernstige probleem vir beide die teiken en die boelie omdat dit beide negatief beïnvloed. Die teiken van afknouery word altyd met emosionele letsels gelaat en meer dikwels as nie die boelie se gedrag is ‘n aanduiding van voorafbestaande emosionele trauma nie. Albei partye het baie ondersteuning en begrip nodig. Die teiken moet ook die verskil tussen ‘n slagoffer geleer word en ‘n teiken wees.

Identifiseer hierdie tekens in jouself en ander bv. jou broers en susters, vriende of eweknieë, want hierdie tekens sal jou ‘n idee gee dat afknouery plaasvind.

  • Kom huistoe met beskadigde of vermiste klere of ander besittings
  • Verslae verloor items soos handboeke, elektronika, klere
  • Het onverklaarbare beserings
  • Kla dikwels van hoofpyn, maag-pyne, of voel siek
  • Sukkel om te slaap of het gereelde slegte drome
  • Het veranderinge in die eet van klere
  • Maak hulself seer
  • Word of depressief isoleer hulself of vermy sekere plekke of vriende
  • Baie honger ná skool om nie hul middagete te eet nie
  • Loop weg van die huis / stapels skool of klasse
  • Verloor belangstelling in stokperdjies of vriende
  • Begin swak presteer by die skool
  • Lyk hartseer, kwaad, buierig of angstig ná skool
  • Praatjies oor selfmoord
  • Lae selfbeeld, blameer self vir hul probleme

Vind hulp

  • Praat uit
  • Praat met iemand wat jy vertrou bv: onderwyser, maat, ouer.

Alle mense het die behoefte om:

  • Voel veilig
  • Word erken
  • Word beloon
  • Word gehoor
  • Wys hul sterkpunte
  • Voel belangrik
  • Wees deel van ‘n groep
  • Voel geliefd

Vir die boelie word hierdie behoeftes dikwels nie nagekom nie, om baie redes. Wanneer hulle boelie, is dit eintlik ‘n manier vir hulle om gesien te word, al is die beloning negatief. Baie boelies hou nie daarvan om te boelie nie – hulle sien dit eenvoudig as die enigste manier om iemand se aandag te kry.

Ons streef daarna om enige situasie uit te sorteer om protokol te volg en opgeleide mense vir enige situasie toe te ken.

Daar sal ‘n Boelie  – Box beskikbaar wees by die skool, geleë by die adjunkhoof se kantoor.

Jy is welkom om van hierdie “Boelie – Box” gebruik te maak, skryf op ‘n klein stukkie papier jou naam, graad en kortliks jou probleem of bekommernis en die onderwyser wat jy graag sal wil hê moet help.

Slegs die persoon wat jy wil hê moet help, sal die brief lees. As niemand genoem word nie, sal dit of een van die Adjunkhoofde of Me. Oosthuizen wees wat met dit werk en wat toegang sal hê tot die “Boelie – Box” om jou vertroulikheid te verseker.

Onthou daar is GEEN situasie te groot of klein vir ons nie, jy is belangrik!

Bullying

 

Parents please acknowledge this summary regarding Bullying, as it is a real problem in Schools.

 

What is bullying?

Bullying occurs most often across the age groups: from 8-24 years. It can start much earlier but very little research has been done on this.

  • Bullying can start at any age. From a toddler in the form of biting, pinching and scratching of parents, siblings, friends or teachers. A pre-schooler may bully their friends on the playground and also bite or scratch and show mean behaviour, that becomes bullying behaviour if not addressed.
  • No child starts to bully for no reason. They are often exposed to: one parent bullying the other parent or the child; older sibling bullying a younger sibling; exposed to a lot of anger or violence either at home or in the media or on social media; watching cartoons where bullying is seen as fun and where it is encouraged; or when children see other children who bully and gain power/status in class.
  • Boys tend to bully more directly and girls more indirectly.
  • Direct bullying is often physical in nature (name-calling, shoving, hitting, spitting on someone, biting, taking another learner’s property, forcing someone to do something demeaning, sexual overtures, rape).
  • Indirect bullying is more subtle and is rarely physical in nature (exclusion from certain group activities, spreading rumours, gossiping, sharing embarrassing information, sarcastic comments, mocking, laughing at a learner).
  • Bullying is a direct or indirect act of one person or a group of persons (the bully) against another person (the target), with the intention to ridicule, harass, humiliate, or intimidate.
  • This behaviour is consistent over a period of time.
  • The target believe they don’t have the power to defend themselves.
  • The bully often does not show any sign of feeling sorry or understanding that they are actually hurting someone else.
  • The bully feels stronger and more powerful when they bully and this encourages them to show more bullying behaviour. If an adult doesn’t address this and other children stay quiet they see this as a sign to continue.
  • To determine whether bullying is happening, one has to focus on the impact on the target and not necessarily the behaviour of the bully. This implies that some behaviour may not be deemed “bullying” behaviour, yet it has a bullying effect on the receiver.
  • Bullying occurs when one person does all the giving and the other person does all the taking. Someone gets hurt.
  • No matter what the bullying behaviour is, it is always a cry for help, a need to be seen and acknowledged and a message that they are not ok.

The following behaviours are often mistaken for bullying. Please take note: these behaviours are not right and we should always address them. They are often the start of possible bullying and should be looked out for, addressed and changed as soon as possible.

Teasing

  • One person or group is the target, yet the intention is not malicious.
  • When one person teases another it is often done with laughter.

Being mean

  • This is when one person purposefully says or does something to hurt another person’s feelings.
  • The mean person feels angry at that point and wants to show the other person that they are better or more important than them.

Being rude

  • When a person is rude they say or do something that hurts the other person’s feelings but they don’t necessarily intend to do so.
  • These behaviours are often spontaneous like shoving in front of another person to get in front of the line at the tuckshop, or tripping someone else on a whim.
  • It also often just shows that the person has poor manners and they often get away with it at home or in class.

Verbal Bullying (saying or writing mean and nasty things)

  • Teasing
  • Name calling etc

Social (hurting someone’s reputation or relationships)

  • Telling others not to be friends with someone
  • Spreading rumours
  • Embarrassing someone in public

Physical (hurting someone’s body or destroying their possessions)

  • Hitting, kicking, pinching
  • Tripping, pushing
  • Taking or breaking someone’s things etc

Cyber (verbal or social bullying done through technology)

  • Using social media / mobile devices or e-mails to damage someone’s self-esteem, reputation, credibility or friendships
  • Cyberbullying is becoming the most prevalent form of bullying and has a severe impact because the bully can often stay anonymous etc.

Remember: all types of bullying has an emotional aspect to it. All bullying breaks down the self-esteem of the target and causes the target to feel:

  • Alone
  • Helpless
  • Depressed
  • Scared
  • Sad
  • Uncertain
  • Hopeless
  • Useless
  • Disgusted in themselves

Bullying is a serious problem for both the target and the bully because it impacts both negatively. The target of bullying is always left with emotional scars and more often than not the bully’s behaviour is an indication of pre-existing emotional trauma. Both parties need a lot of support and understanding. The target must also be taught the difference between being a victim and being a target.

Identify these signs in yourself and others e.g. your siblings, friends or peers, because these signs will give you a clue that bullying is taking place.

  • Comes home with damaged or missing clothing or other belongings
  • Reports losing items such as textbooks, electronics, clothing
  • Has unexplained injuries
  • Complains frequently of headaches, stomach-aches, or feeling sick
  • Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams
  • Has changes in eating habits
  • Hurts themselves
  • Becomes depressive or isolates themselves or avoids certain places or friends
  • Very hungry after school from not eating their lunch
  • Runs away from home/bunks school or classes
  • Loses interest in hobbies or friends
  • Starts performing poorly at school
  • Appears sad, angry, moody or anxious after school
  • Talks about suicide
  • Low self-esteem, blames self for their problems

Find help

  • Speak out

      Find someone who you trust e.g. friend, teacher or parent

All human beings have the need to:

  • Feel safe
  • Be acknowledged
  • Be rewarded
  • Be heard
  • Show their strengths
  • Feel important
  • Be part of a group
  • Feel loved

For the bully these needs are often not met,  for many reasons. When they bully it is actually a way for them to be seen – even though the reward is negative. Many bullies do not like to bully – they simply see it as the only way to get someone’s attention.

At Hoërskool Jan Viljoen we don`t tolerate any form of  BULLYING.

 We aim to sort any situation to follow protocol and allocate trained people for any situation.

There will be a Bully – Box available at school situated at the deputy principal`s office.

You are welcome to make use of this box, write on a small piece of paper your name, grade and in short state your problem or concern and you can address it to a specific teacher (if you choose to).

If you do not address your letter to a specific teacher, then the deputy principals and Mrs. Oosthuizen will be the only teachers that will have access to this Bully – Box to assure your confidentiality.

Remember there is NO situation to big or to small, YOU are important!

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